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Hello, I'm 16 years old and am still finding myself. That is all.

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So sick of your goddamned face!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008 4:13 PM
Things in my line of sight:
Coke Zero
Dead Cellphone
Shit earbuds
and the flash of an IM that I'm hesitant to read.

Expectations:
Going to fail 9th grade math...I'm well on my way.
The worst part?
I'm in 10th.

Uncertainties:
We'll call him Cherry.
Because I hate cherries.

Likes:
Snow (Which I have seen close to none of here in Northern Virginia)



Back to what blogging is supposed to be about.

Today I went to school, met with Cherry...
I just can't seem to bring myself to say it. Things are just so comfortable, but I'm unhappy.
Could it be I'm afraid of things going back to the way they were?
Maybe it's because I was so uncertain with other things (which have, for the most part, gotten resolved today)

I think I should rename this blog something along the lines of: Complain-log.
Because that's all I seem to do.

The only thing keeping me happy is them.
That sounds so creepy.
I think it might be turning into a slight obsession.
When you find yourself crying in the night over people you've never met once in your life, save every penny you ever receive just to buy another one of their shirts and spend your time trying to get yourself just the slightest bit of attention from them, that's the point at which you stop and think, What am I really living for?
I'm not doing it for anyone else,
not even for myself.
I live, breathe, sing, eat and sleep them.

But if you told them my name they'd only say,
Joyce (Insert my last name here)?
No, I don't know her.





Christmas this year:
Unfortunate, but will not be a very pleasant one.
Wishes of seeing my sister again crushed by my parents who cannot even take the time to drive up to New York.
You know, I'd like to see the rest of my family. I'm starting to doubt they even exist anymore (except Heather) honestly.





Eating: Nothing.
Drinking: Coke Zero
Feeling: Sore throat and a strange sort of unhappiness. Almost too hard to describe, I'd just be wasting my time.



Promises:
I'll tell him.
I'll find something more to live for.
The next blog you'll read from me will not be quite so unhappy.

:)

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