Treat Me Like You Did The Night Before
Sunday, October 4, 2009 4:56 PM
Thoughts of the future frighten me. Yes, I do realize how young I am, and I do know that things will look up, and life is what you make of it. I've always felt older than I really am. I always felt the need to be smarter than whoever it is I seem to be talking to that day. If anyone knew how to make themselves feel better about themselves, then it was me.
But that all faded away, when people started to notice me.
And now, I feel like I just want to disappear.
I want to walk the streets and have no one look at me.
This constant fear and paranoia surrounds me, and I'm ever so conscious of the way I act.
I'm closer to 17 then ever, and I still can't sleep without the lights on.
I've often told myself I'd change the way I am.
Love everyone for who they are, and forget the bad things about them.
But I forget, and I over think.
I think about the things they've done to hurt me, and I can't help but feel this wall between us.
I suppose that's why I never stay good friends with anyone for long.
Even that one girl, she hasn't spoken to me since she left for something completely ridiculous.
She couldn't speak her anger towards me, and instead broke a beautiful friendship.
I tell myself to forget about it.
You don't need someone like that.
If they can't even speak up for themselves, then what is it to you.
But honestly?
It's me who's the coward.
Can't even speak the words of an apology.
Excuse the rant.
I made the font smaller so you wouldn't have to read it.
Keltie Colleen.
If there's anyone I would be,
it wouldn't be her.
But I would love her sense of self, and her determination in all the things she does.
But that all faded away, when people started to notice me.
And now, I feel like I just want to disappear.
I want to walk the streets and have no one look at me.
This constant fear and paranoia surrounds me, and I'm ever so conscious of the way I act.
I'm closer to 17 then ever, and I still can't sleep without the lights on.
I've often told myself I'd change the way I am.
Love everyone for who they are, and forget the bad things about them.
But I forget, and I over think.
I think about the things they've done to hurt me, and I can't help but feel this wall between us.
I suppose that's why I never stay good friends with anyone for long.
Even that one girl, she hasn't spoken to me since she left for something completely ridiculous.
She couldn't speak her anger towards me, and instead broke a beautiful friendship.
I tell myself to forget about it.
You don't need someone like that.
If they can't even speak up for themselves, then what is it to you.
But honestly?
It's me who's the coward.
Can't even speak the words of an apology.
Excuse the rant.
I made the font smaller so you wouldn't have to read it.
Keltie Colleen.
If there's anyone I would be,
it wouldn't be her.
But I would love her sense of self, and her determination in all the things she does.